Days are going

It is Thursday morning, 7:33 am to be exact, I have been awake for about an hour. I fed Max at 6:30 and he fell back to sleep; I am a bit envious of him as I wish I could close my eyes as well. Instead, I lay here in this hard bed staring at the bare white walls and listen to the sound of children screaming in the near by home, a baby crying in the room next door, dogs barking, and the faint chanting from the nearby mosque which is actually soothing. Breakfast will be ready soon, I only know because I can smell the wood, which will heat the oven, burning. The smoky smell  fills the house up every morning at this time. You never know what breakfast will be, but you can always count on it being tasty and spicy. On that note, everything in Ethiopia has a kick of spice. Just when you thought jalapenos were the staple food in Mexican food you realize it is actually the staple for Ethiopian food; I feel as though I have been lied to all my life. One morning, I woke up to find they had made omelets, excited to be able to eat some protein (and because omelets, outside of waffles, are my favorite breakfast meal) for breakfast I stuffed my mouth with a huge bite to find a chunk of this ‘spicy pepper,’ as the Ethiopians call it, and it burned my mouth. Seriously. It was super spicy. Another time, like an idiot or maybe a show off, no definitely like an idiot, I saw one of the kids pick off --what I thought was a bell pepper off his pizza. Eager to show him you should never waste a perfectly delicious piece of vegetable, especially a bell pepper, I took a huge bite of the pepper. Instantaneously, I regretted my decision. I must admit the next move I made was embarrassing to my ego, but very amusing to the kids; I spit out the chunk of spicy pepper from my mouth and cried out for water. Never ever will I argue with an Ethiopian child about an uneaten piece of vegetable. There have been many incidents such as this one in the past week and a half. One incident it was clear they were trying to deceive us, because many of us thought what they had served us was guacamole (which we thought was weird they served with pizza), but turns out it was minced spicy peppers. It looked like guac 100%. I have learned my lesson by now. I make sure to smell it or let someone else be the guinea pig; I have embarrassed myself enough.

Last night was the best night of sleep in all my days here in Ethiopia. Max also slept the best he has slept. It has been a long, sleepless process to get him out of his old feeding routine of every 2 hours to every 3 ½ to 4 hours. It has been so great. Little guy has had a nasal infection. I am pretty sure he has some sort of tummy problem like parasites because his belly has been acting crazy, but he really has been great for me. I can feel God’s presence and I know you all are praying for us; thank you, we need them.

Today we went to immigration, it was a successful day! We were able to convince the official to give us the passport on Monday instead of having to wait one week. On Monday we will go in for medical stuff and hopefully be able to submit to the US embassy no later than Thursday. Pray to God we can be home the second week of July, sooner would be better, but I will take what I am given.

This week I had the opportunity to meet a lady from Tennessee by the name of Brenda. She really made my week go by faster by sharing our personal stories and mission work we have been doing. Brenda is adopting a baby girl named Berkie and already has 2 gorgeous girls from Ethiopia. The opportunity to meet new people here has been amazing and I am very thankful for it.

Update!

I haven’t had the time to blog in the past few days. It has been a little hectic with visiting the children at the transition house, getting Max on a good schedule and Anthony leaving us behind. Therefore, the events I will be discussing won’t be in exact order, but I will try to stay on topic.

First, the transition house. I have mentioned in previous post, the transition house is gorgeous and the children are the sweetest. Right now there are about 10 babies and 13 children between the ages of 2 to 13. Anthony and I went to visit them on Thursday and Saturday to get to know them better. Anthony played with the older children while I played with the babies. Apparently Anthony gave them a run for their money in soccer, who would have thought. Speaking of soccer, on Sunday there was a huge soccer game going on, Ethiopia versus South Africa. It was amazing to hear all the chanting when Ethiopia scored the first goal, but you would have thought they had just won the world cup the way they yelled and screamed when the last goal was scored with only 5 minutes of overtime left. Once Ethiopia won the game, they were honking, yelling, dancing and whistle blowing galore. Back to the transition house, the nannies who take care of the children are very sweet and loving. Nanny Hiwot is my favorite. She speaks perfect English and her main priority are the babies who have been placed under her care. The older children are very sweet and willing to learn English and teach Amharic. The babies just want to be loved and held. The nannies truly do their best at loving on them, but with so many babies and not enough nannies there is a gap and I am glad to be able to love these children along side. The children fell in love with Anthony or should I say they fell in love with his muscles and his blue eyes. Anthony spent a lot of his time teaching the children about the United States and the places they would live. I spent time teaching the children the English words for body parts. It was hilarious when I asked them where were their feet and they pointed towards their face, confused I said, “no, your feet are here and pointed at my feet.” There faced filled with confusion which then turned into laughter as we realized in Amharic the word ‘feet’ (possibly not spelled the same) means face. From then on, the children remembered feet and they laughed every time.

Second, the Sheraton. We decided to visit the Sheraton here in Addis because everyone kept telling us it was a must see while you are in the city. We were amazed at how gigantic and extravagant it is, truly. I felt weird being in a place so over the top in a country where children walk the streets in the same clothes they wore a week ago. The poverty in countries like this one humble me. It keeps me from accumulating a million things for my house which I will never use. Places like this remind me of how important organizations like Africa Windmill Project and Market Colors are and why we should continue to invest in them. It isn’t about feeling good and giving to the poor; it is about helping them become self sufficient with what resources they have and along the way us teaching and encouraging them. I really don’t think opening a five start Sheraton in a country/city like this one is necessary, makes me sad.

Third, Anthony leaves Max and I. Saturday night was difficult. Imagining myself with out my husband was hard, but now, on day 4 of being without him, I am focused. I am trying to enjoy every second of my stay here and making the best of the process. I have met many wonderful families who have walked the same walk as Anthony and I. It is extremely encouraging to hear their story and know we are not alone in this thing. If there is one thing I have learned this week it’s adoption is a hard process, but truly a gift. I still find it crazy how in love I am with this little guy; he really did grow in my heart. Since Anthony left, I have spent a lot of time loving the children at the transition house. Yesterday, Tuesday, I took two of the older boys out for pizza and they were so happy. They stuffed their faces and when I told them they could take the left overs with them to eat later you would think I had told them they had won the lottery. These kids are so thankful for the smallest of gestures, gestures that most kids in the US would take for granted. I can only hope Anthony and I can raise Max to be as humble and thankful as these children. Children who have been robbed of their youth, suffered abandonment and have never felt the love of a mother and father. It breaks my heart to think of these things. I know sometimes I am an extremist with my thoughts, but it just makes me sick to think of all the material things children are used to getting back home when we can minimize just a little bit and make a difference with all that money. We should open our eyes to the world out there and stop blinding ourselves to the poverty in the world, even in our own backyards. Check out these organizations we are involved with if you are interested in helping make just a small change:

Lastly, Max and I. Max and I are doing well. We are keeping busy and doing lots of bonding. I would lie if I said it was all roses and unicorns, but it really is better. Lots of prayers, grace and love is required! He is sleeping better at night and I have found that making a fool of myself in front of him really makes him happy. Like when I am getting dressed I dance like a fool or make crazy faces and he just giggles away. His smile and laughter is so contagious, we typically end up laughing together. I have a method for everything. At night, I leave the bottles ready to go (just have to add water) at night and the diapers all by my side. When I shower I sit him in the bumbo and sing worship songs and make crazy faces which makes him smile and look at me in awe. Good thing I know he isn't deaf otherwise I'd think he was because my signing is atrocious; bless his little heart :) he obviously loves his momma. 

I will try to keep y'all more in the loop. It's crazy with it being just me. Pray the process goes fast! Thanks for all the prayers, calls and text. I love you all dearly!

Day 5 continued

Life is difficult, but beautiful. We each have our hurts, our past, our moments of shame, and our sin. But we also have our joys, our faith, our moments of triumph, and our Savior. In the past few years, I have been trying to figure out who I truly am deep under all those things. The truth is I am a person with many hurts and scars; some healed and others still open. Unfortunately, some of those open wounds, when probed, ooze and create a mess; if left uncared they can create even bigger messes. Having a son to care for has opened many of those unhealed wounds. I am not saying open wounds can’t be healed; what I am saying is with these hurts exposed I am more likely to allow fear into my life and not focus on the goodness of having a son. I found myself in this precise situation on Tuesday. My mind automatically went to the worst of thoughts: fears of being a person who could possibly create these exact scars in my sons heart, not being worthy enough to be his mother, feeling of impatience, hopelessness and so many other insecurities in my heart. All these thought in my mind as I am holding this child, tears rolling down my face, sobbing. Then I started to think of the hours leading up this very moment and how filled of joy I was with my new baby and my husband, how happy he had been to see our faces in the morning, how great he had slept the night before and his sweet little smile when he sees us. Then I started to think of his scars. In his short 6 months of life he has experienced neglect, abandonment, lonely nights, sadness and a million other things. He has gone from his biological mother’s arms to an orphanage to a transition house to a guest house here with me in 4 months. He has never had consistency and the attention a baby needs in the first few months of life. And thinking of these things made me realized how strong I need to be for this child in the coming weeks. Even though I am exhausted, homesick and feeling overwhelmed I know I can place my hope in something so great and He will take it all away from me. So I did and continue to do so. It is sad how easily the negative can cloud your thoughts and make you into a selfish being. Although I do have scars and unhealed wounds, I have a Father who will bear it all for me, even when I disappoint Him, He loves me. Therefore, my duty as a mother right now is to show Max the same grace and love Jesus shows me. Max needs to know how much Anthony and I love him. This will be the only way to get him to understand the ultimate love, a love greater than anything Anthony and I can give him, unconditional love.

As I type this journal entry, my sweet boy sits next to me. Holding on to my arm wanting to feel comforted by me. I ask God to fill me with the Holy Spirit, to give me strength, and ultimately to give me patience and love like his; love that is never ending, unconditional, and priceless.

After a long night with little sleep we decided to spend the morning at the guest house. There is another couple staying at the guest house from Indiana and they are really sweet people. They are adopting a sweet little girl from the same orphanage that Max came from; she is the sweetest little girl with a very spunky personality. We all spent our day getting to know each other and playing with bubbles. The weather was fantastic. We sat outside, got a little bit of sun and enjoyed each others company. Anthony and Todd hit it off and they spent majority of the day talking sports, gardening, jobs and other things men talk about. Bethany and I talked about what brought us to adopt, our process, timeline and stuff girls talk about J. In the afternoon, we went and dropped off their sweet girl at the transition house and you could tell how difficult that was for both of them. I can't imagine. We all decided to go to the market to buy souvenirs since Bethany and Todd left this evening.  We had an awesome taxi driver who was extremely hilarious and although he spoke English, it was difficult to translate specific words. For example, when I asked him what they word beautiful was in Amharic he did not understand what I was asking him. The funny part of this was when we were at one of the shops I asked one of the guys there that spoke English if he knew what beautiful meant and he said "conja" so I turn and yell to the driver "conja" and he was like "me? I am conja?" hahaha and I was like "no, that's the word i wanted to know." He was like "oh, I thought you were saying I was beautiful" so funny. 

Day 5: Thank you ladies....you know who you are :)

Last night was  a difficult night for Anthony and I. Max had a rough few hours, but he finally calmed down after I rocked him to sleep. We tried everything for 2 hours; rocking, changing, feeding, playing, laying in his crib and nothing worked. At one point I felt like an awful mother, as if God had forgotten to give me the gift of mothering. Once we finally got him to settle down, I definitely felt overwhelmed and cried and cried and cried. Anthony and I prayed and I felt better, much better. Then today I received text messages from 5 wonderful women who lifted me up with such encouraging words. It really was a blessing. So ladies, thank you for those kind words. It is hard to be here far from all of your support, but I still felt the love thousands of miles away. I have a lot more to type, but haven’t edited and typed some of our day today. I will get to it tomorrow. Here are a few more pictures.

Feeding this sweet boy. Anthony has been the most amazing husband and father through this process, blessed to be married to this man.

Got out into the market in Addis. It was great!

Day 4

Being we are new at this parenting thing you would assume a baby’s cry would be the culprit of our lack of sleep, but it’s not the case. As a matter of fact, Max slept like a little angle last night; he slept from 8:45 p.m. to about 5:30 a.m., we were impressed with our little boy. Our lack of sleep involves the buzzing of mosquitoes the size of helicopters, seriously, they are ridiculously ginormous. I was sound asleep when all of a sudden both Anthony and I jumped up out of bed from the sound of a huge mosquito, this happened many times through out the night. And once again we found ourselves having the most random conversation at 3 in the morning, what on earth is the purpose of mosquitoes? I think it's main to purposely annoy people. Anthony on the other hand thinks their sole purpose, along with flies (which are also gigantic here), is to spread disease to keep population low haha, good guess I suppose.

Anyway, today we went to the country side. We were able to see baboons very close up and a gorgeous canyon. It was a good day exploring as a family of three.

On a more serious note: Max was really fussy earlier today for about 2 hours and we could not figure out what on earth was going on. He finally fell asleep, but it was cry after cry for no reason. It’s a guessing game trying to figure out whether he is hungry, sleepy, has a dirty diaper or if something is hurting. We did everything and he was still crying, it is a little overwhelming at times. Not going to lie, I have cried a whole lot these past few days. I feel like I do well and then suddenly I am back to square one. I am not looking forward to doing this alone for 5 weeks. I know I will eventually get the hang of this, but it is really hard right now. Keep us in your prayers.