Things happen for a reason (how we ended up in Germany in the first place):
Last year around this time Anthony was starting to overcome some serious issues he had been going through for 7 months. Choosing to not work at the non-profit he was working at was the best thing he ever did for our family, but he never thought it would mean a 10 month job search of constantly being turned down and God closing door after door. Thankfully one day after hitting a low point Anthony decided to seek counsel through our church and by the pure grace of God he found someone that was willing to pour time into mentoring him overall. We are grateful for Brian Grandstaff who really took it upon himself to speak truth into Anthony's life when he needed it most. With the encouragement of Brian, Anthony started to trust God more and more. Slowly things started to shift and before we knew it our good friend Jermaine got Anthony a job working with Google. Anthony was grateful to have these two guys encourage him and believe in him during one of the most difficult times in his life.
Shortly after starting the job with Google, (and over a 2 year wait to become a medic with the Air Force) he got word that he would go to training. He was sad to quit the Google job, but was thankful to move forward with what he had been waiting for for 2 years! The timing for his training in Texas was perfect with my summer off. We were able to spend majority of our summer together and well, they say distance makes the heart grow fonder…well apparently it makes sperm stronger because we got pregnant early in the summer, aka the first weekend I was in Texas, haha.
Finding out I was pregnant was exciting, but it was also nerve-racking. Anthony planned on going to school to take a few pre-requisites he needed for nursing school and I did not have short term disability meaning I would not get paid while on maternity leave. We prayed God would provide a job for Anthony when he was done with training that would give him the flexibility to take classes while also making decent money. We also prepared for the worst by saving like crazy. Then one random day in late September, during my lunch, an Air Force friend I work with called me to tell me about this "awesome full-time opportunity" for Anthony. At first I was excited until she said "the only thing is…..it's in Stuttgart, Germany and he will have to be there October 19." I think I laughed and said something like "yeah, that's not going to work for us, but I will mention it to Anthony." She made it clear we had to get back to her ASAP because they could offer the position to someone else if he didn't say yes. I got off the phone with her, called Anthony and told him about the gig. His immediate response was "we can't do that, there is no way"….silence……more silence……"but maybe we should pray about it." I agreed with him, but a part of me also knew how much Anthony hated the thought of ever moving overseas. Not even 15 minutes later he called me back and said "okay….I know I said we should pray about it, but she needs a quick response and I think we should do it. God can shut this door at any moment and I will be okay with that, but I am tired of saying no to opportunities like these because I am scared of failing and being uncomfortable." I mean what do you say to that? Of course, I said yes I am on board, but I was extremely hesitant and nervous. We spent the next 2 weeks praying without hearing any news. Anthony graduated on October 8th and at that point he thought the opportunity was gone. Then on October 13th, Anthony received that email that said he was approved to come to Germany and he needed to be here ASAP!
Looking back we both know God had an entirely different plan for our family than what we had in mind for ourselves. June 2014- March 2015 was a difficult season for our family, especially for Anthony, but we wouldn't be here if any of those other things had happened. God's timing is perfect timing. To think of what a difference one entire year makes. To think of what June 2015-March 2016 look like in comparison is a true blessing and a miracle. Even though June 2014 to March 2015 were really shitty months, it was worth it. It was worth it because we truly leaned on God to get us through it and it taught us that when the season of plenty comes….you still need to put your life in God's hands because there is a reason for it all.
One month, two countries, three cities:
It's been one month since Max and I arrived in Germany. I have had every intention of writing a blog entry since I arrived, but I never made the time. Then yesterday, while scrolling through pictures on my phone, I realized we've been here 4 weeks and today marks 1 month. And though I recognize, based on the pictures I've posted on social media, things look idyllic, it hasn't been perfect. So here is my attempt at being authentic and honest:
The first two weeks were fairly easy for us. Mainly because Anthony was working half days due to the holidays (he had two 4-day weekends back-to-back which we took advantage to travel to Munich and to Zürich), but also because we were together as a family again. The past year has been tough for us as a family, especially for Max. But it has also been a year of growth. I am thankful for all we have experienced. Anthony and I have been blessed to spend a lot of time together through the years. We've never been apart longer than 15 days at a time. It is something we probably took for granted without realizing and it's probably why it was a difficult year. He hated being away from me and Max and I hated being away from him, while also struggling to be a single parent for almost 6 months. But this time apart also made us appreciate each other more than ever (I mean we ended up pregnant after all, ha). Honestly, our marriage hasn't been better. That is not to say we don't want to hurt each other at times or become extremely annoyed with each other, but there is a difference. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but I am more in love and more appreciative of Anthony than ever before.
Well, the first time it hit me that we LIVE in Germany was on January 4th (even so, a part of me still feels like I am on a vacation). It was Anthony's first full day of work since we had arrived. The realization of my new job title was also scary. Wow, I am a stay-at-home mom! I remember thinking "okay, if I stay in pj's all day it will dictate how lazy my day will be" because lets be real that's all I wanted to do was watch movies with Max, stay in my pj's and chill. Thankfully I spent the last few weeks before leaving Orlando with The Drake's and saw how Kimberly handled her days at home with the boys. It truly shed a light on how I should handle my days at home in order for me not to feel overwhelmed and exhausted with Max, but also fulfill God's will for my life in this moment to the best of my ability. So I created a routine for us, one that will work when baby gets home too.
A little on Max's transition:
Good news is…Max is blossoming! He truly is doing great. I could take credit by saying how awesome I am at staying at home with him, but I'll admit it's mainly because he has his mommy and daddy in the same place. As some of you may know, we struggled getting Max to poop in the potty. We started potty training while I was in Texas over the summer. He did really well with going pipi in the potty, but poop was difficult for him. Well after struggling for months suddenly it just clicked. We were home and Anthony saw him do his typical hiding in the corner and poop in his pants thing, but this time Anthony got to him before it touched his underpants. He screamed and cried sitting on the potty, but to his surprise as well as ours he pooped in the toilet! We celebrated it with gummies (which by the way are ridiculously cheap here) and a Mickey sticker. He went in to the bathroom completely embarrassed and deflated that daddy had caught him in the shameful act of pooping in his pants, but walked out pumped like a grown man, with a huge smile on his face like "oh yeah, I am the man." Of course, we FaceTimed everyone who had experienced the dreadful poop to cotton shenanigans he had put us through the past few months (with Nick holding the highest record behind me) and showered him with tons of love. Since then, he has only had one accident which happened this past Tuesday on our way to have a play date. It was actually pretty hilarious because he knew we were going to go "play with friends," our conversation went a little like this: Max: mommy, I pooped my pants. Me: What?? No way Max. Okay, we can't go play with your friends. Max through tears: But I want to go play. Me: No, your friends don't want to smell your poop. Max: yeah huh, I want to go play with poop in my pants, mommy. Me: that's gross, and I refuse to let you be the smelly kid. Max: but why? UGH! haha Kid is just too much. Another huge transition for Max has been sleeping in a big boy bed. The house we are living in, which came completely furnished, has a bedroom with bunk beds. Max went bananas when he saw the bunk beds. He claimed it as his room (not that he would have had a choice) and has been sleeping in a big boy bed since. The best part is he does not get out of bed. Even in the mornings he calls for either Anthony or myself to come get him or ask for permission to get out of bed. He loves being a "big boy in a big boy bed." My friend Yanet gave us 2 books about being a big brother. They have helped him understand his responsibility and role as a big brother (thank you Yanet). He will do things and say "I a big boy and a big brother." Another great thing Max has picked up with this transition is taking naps on his own. Max has always loved his naps, but has NEVER been able to nap on his own. We would either have to rock him or lay with him in order for him to nap. Since he was taking naps on his own naps while Kimberly watched him the last few weeks we were in Orlando, I figured I would continue to do it and it worked! So every day between 12:30-2:30 (sometimes more) I get some quiet time to myself and I LOVE it. It helps me break up my day and it gives me a break to get dishes, laundry, sweeping or even a quick nap for this mama bear. It will definitely come in handy when baby arrives, too. Thank you Kimberly, I cannot thank you enough! You helped me and Max those last few weeks more than you will ever know.
My transition:
Though Max has had a successful transition (which is HUGE), I've struggled more than I care to. Maybe if I wasn't pregnant it would be easier and if I spoke German it would be even easier. But the truth is I actually enjoyed my job and my life in Orlando. I was comfortable. Yes, the politics of teaching are crappy and my students drove me nuts, but I enjoyed being Ms. Carbon. With that name I felt like I had an identity. I enjoyed having adult interactions and intellectual conversations. I enjoyed waking up in the morning, getting ready, and feeling like I had a great big purpose in life. I am ashamed to admit this, but there are times when I see Anthony getting ready for work in the morning, though I am excited for him, I can't help but feel a bit of jealousy. I think a lot of it is pride because I have always been independent, not dependent. I pride myself on my accomplishments and how far I've come considering the past I was dealt. But here in this moment I know God is teaching me a lot. It's not about depending on Anthony to financially support us (though he is) or for this whole mom thing to give me identity or for Max's perfect behavior to be what fulfills me, or how waking up to make Anthony and Max breakfast, lunch, and dinner makes me a better wife and mother. Instead, it's about depending on Him; knowing that He is the one that is enough and through Him I am enough. He is all I need and in Him is where I find my identity and my purpose. Because nothing is ever enough. When I was working and Max was in daycare I wish I could be home with him. When I was working and Anthony was home I hated missing out on the things Max was doing or the daily routine they had created. Yet here I am with the things I wished for and it isn't enough. All I am left with are these desires that never seem to be enough. So I am putting an end to this cycle (or at least trying to). I know being home with Max right now, in this moment, is where I need to be. Max needs present parents. He needs me to guide him, to teach him, to love him, to cuddle him, to discipline him and much more. I think God has put me in this uncomfortable place so I can stop taking things for granted. So I can soak each moment for what it is, trust Him through it, and realize that at the end of the day only through Him I am enough.
Anthony's transition:
Let me start by saying how proud I am of Anthony. Anthony loves being a provider for our family. I am so thankful for how God wired him. He loves to take care of his family and I am blessed to walk this life with him. Anthony arrived here in Germany a little over a month earlier than Max and I did. I hated being away from him, but I am glad we went about it the way we did. He bought a car for the family and set up our housing which is a great home, fully furnished and close to his job. I literally arrived and everything was done. It was great! He also loves the people he works with and his job. His biggest struggle is the language barrier and how different the culture is than the "South." Over all Anthony seems to be doing well. I asked him about his transition and he said, "I miss America, I miss Chick-fil-a and people who speak English, but I can't believe one day I will be able to say…"when I lived in Germany"…now that's pretty cool."
Next time:
As soon as I get a chance I will blog about my appointment with my German doctor and the hospital tour we had, but for now I leave you with this: Phillipians 4: 11-13 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Last year around this time Anthony was starting to overcome some serious issues he had been going through for 7 months. Choosing to not work at the non-profit he was working at was the best thing he ever did for our family, but he never thought it would mean a 10 month job search of constantly being turned down and God closing door after door. Thankfully one day after hitting a low point Anthony decided to seek counsel through our church and by the pure grace of God he found someone that was willing to pour time into mentoring him overall. We are grateful for Brian Grandstaff who really took it upon himself to speak truth into Anthony's life when he needed it most. With the encouragement of Brian, Anthony started to trust God more and more. Slowly things started to shift and before we knew it our good friend Jermaine got Anthony a job working with Google. Anthony was grateful to have these two guys encourage him and believe in him during one of the most difficult times in his life.
Shortly after starting the job with Google, (and over a 2 year wait to become a medic with the Air Force) he got word that he would go to training. He was sad to quit the Google job, but was thankful to move forward with what he had been waiting for for 2 years! The timing for his training in Texas was perfect with my summer off. We were able to spend majority of our summer together and well, they say distance makes the heart grow fonder…well apparently it makes sperm stronger because we got pregnant early in the summer, aka the first weekend I was in Texas, haha.
Finding out I was pregnant was exciting, but it was also nerve-racking. Anthony planned on going to school to take a few pre-requisites he needed for nursing school and I did not have short term disability meaning I would not get paid while on maternity leave. We prayed God would provide a job for Anthony when he was done with training that would give him the flexibility to take classes while also making decent money. We also prepared for the worst by saving like crazy. Then one random day in late September, during my lunch, an Air Force friend I work with called me to tell me about this "awesome full-time opportunity" for Anthony. At first I was excited until she said "the only thing is…..it's in Stuttgart, Germany and he will have to be there October 19." I think I laughed and said something like "yeah, that's not going to work for us, but I will mention it to Anthony." She made it clear we had to get back to her ASAP because they could offer the position to someone else if he didn't say yes. I got off the phone with her, called Anthony and told him about the gig. His immediate response was "we can't do that, there is no way"….silence……more silence……"but maybe we should pray about it." I agreed with him, but a part of me also knew how much Anthony hated the thought of ever moving overseas. Not even 15 minutes later he called me back and said "okay….I know I said we should pray about it, but she needs a quick response and I think we should do it. God can shut this door at any moment and I will be okay with that, but I am tired of saying no to opportunities like these because I am scared of failing and being uncomfortable." I mean what do you say to that? Of course, I said yes I am on board, but I was extremely hesitant and nervous. We spent the next 2 weeks praying without hearing any news. Anthony graduated on October 8th and at that point he thought the opportunity was gone. Then on October 13th, Anthony received that email that said he was approved to come to Germany and he needed to be here ASAP!
Looking back we both know God had an entirely different plan for our family than what we had in mind for ourselves. June 2014- March 2015 was a difficult season for our family, especially for Anthony, but we wouldn't be here if any of those other things had happened. God's timing is perfect timing. To think of what a difference one entire year makes. To think of what June 2015-March 2016 look like in comparison is a true blessing and a miracle. Even though June 2014 to March 2015 were really shitty months, it was worth it. It was worth it because we truly leaned on God to get us through it and it taught us that when the season of plenty comes….you still need to put your life in God's hands because there is a reason for it all.
One month, two countries, three cities:
It's been one month since Max and I arrived in Germany. I have had every intention of writing a blog entry since I arrived, but I never made the time. Then yesterday, while scrolling through pictures on my phone, I realized we've been here 4 weeks and today marks 1 month. And though I recognize, based on the pictures I've posted on social media, things look idyllic, it hasn't been perfect. So here is my attempt at being authentic and honest:
The first two weeks were fairly easy for us. Mainly because Anthony was working half days due to the holidays (he had two 4-day weekends back-to-back which we took advantage to travel to Munich and to Zürich), but also because we were together as a family again. The past year has been tough for us as a family, especially for Max. But it has also been a year of growth. I am thankful for all we have experienced. Anthony and I have been blessed to spend a lot of time together through the years. We've never been apart longer than 15 days at a time. It is something we probably took for granted without realizing and it's probably why it was a difficult year. He hated being away from me and Max and I hated being away from him, while also struggling to be a single parent for almost 6 months. But this time apart also made us appreciate each other more than ever (I mean we ended up pregnant after all, ha). Honestly, our marriage hasn't been better. That is not to say we don't want to hurt each other at times or become extremely annoyed with each other, but there is a difference. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but I am more in love and more appreciative of Anthony than ever before.
Well, the first time it hit me that we LIVE in Germany was on January 4th (even so, a part of me still feels like I am on a vacation). It was Anthony's first full day of work since we had arrived. The realization of my new job title was also scary. Wow, I am a stay-at-home mom! I remember thinking "okay, if I stay in pj's all day it will dictate how lazy my day will be" because lets be real that's all I wanted to do was watch movies with Max, stay in my pj's and chill. Thankfully I spent the last few weeks before leaving Orlando with The Drake's and saw how Kimberly handled her days at home with the boys. It truly shed a light on how I should handle my days at home in order for me not to feel overwhelmed and exhausted with Max, but also fulfill God's will for my life in this moment to the best of my ability. So I created a routine for us, one that will work when baby gets home too.
A little on Max's transition:
Good news is…Max is blossoming! He truly is doing great. I could take credit by saying how awesome I am at staying at home with him, but I'll admit it's mainly because he has his mommy and daddy in the same place. As some of you may know, we struggled getting Max to poop in the potty. We started potty training while I was in Texas over the summer. He did really well with going pipi in the potty, but poop was difficult for him. Well after struggling for months suddenly it just clicked. We were home and Anthony saw him do his typical hiding in the corner and poop in his pants thing, but this time Anthony got to him before it touched his underpants. He screamed and cried sitting on the potty, but to his surprise as well as ours he pooped in the toilet! We celebrated it with gummies (which by the way are ridiculously cheap here) and a Mickey sticker. He went in to the bathroom completely embarrassed and deflated that daddy had caught him in the shameful act of pooping in his pants, but walked out pumped like a grown man, with a huge smile on his face like "oh yeah, I am the man." Of course, we FaceTimed everyone who had experienced the dreadful poop to cotton shenanigans he had put us through the past few months (with Nick holding the highest record behind me) and showered him with tons of love. Since then, he has only had one accident which happened this past Tuesday on our way to have a play date. It was actually pretty hilarious because he knew we were going to go "play with friends," our conversation went a little like this: Max: mommy, I pooped my pants. Me: What?? No way Max. Okay, we can't go play with your friends. Max through tears: But I want to go play. Me: No, your friends don't want to smell your poop. Max: yeah huh, I want to go play with poop in my pants, mommy. Me: that's gross, and I refuse to let you be the smelly kid. Max: but why? UGH! haha Kid is just too much. Another huge transition for Max has been sleeping in a big boy bed. The house we are living in, which came completely furnished, has a bedroom with bunk beds. Max went bananas when he saw the bunk beds. He claimed it as his room (not that he would have had a choice) and has been sleeping in a big boy bed since. The best part is he does not get out of bed. Even in the mornings he calls for either Anthony or myself to come get him or ask for permission to get out of bed. He loves being a "big boy in a big boy bed." My friend Yanet gave us 2 books about being a big brother. They have helped him understand his responsibility and role as a big brother (thank you Yanet). He will do things and say "I a big boy and a big brother." Another great thing Max has picked up with this transition is taking naps on his own. Max has always loved his naps, but has NEVER been able to nap on his own. We would either have to rock him or lay with him in order for him to nap. Since he was taking naps on his own naps while Kimberly watched him the last few weeks we were in Orlando, I figured I would continue to do it and it worked! So every day between 12:30-2:30 (sometimes more) I get some quiet time to myself and I LOVE it. It helps me break up my day and it gives me a break to get dishes, laundry, sweeping or even a quick nap for this mama bear. It will definitely come in handy when baby arrives, too. Thank you Kimberly, I cannot thank you enough! You helped me and Max those last few weeks more than you will ever know.
My transition:
Though Max has had a successful transition (which is HUGE), I've struggled more than I care to. Maybe if I wasn't pregnant it would be easier and if I spoke German it would be even easier. But the truth is I actually enjoyed my job and my life in Orlando. I was comfortable. Yes, the politics of teaching are crappy and my students drove me nuts, but I enjoyed being Ms. Carbon. With that name I felt like I had an identity. I enjoyed having adult interactions and intellectual conversations. I enjoyed waking up in the morning, getting ready, and feeling like I had a great big purpose in life. I am ashamed to admit this, but there are times when I see Anthony getting ready for work in the morning, though I am excited for him, I can't help but feel a bit of jealousy. I think a lot of it is pride because I have always been independent, not dependent. I pride myself on my accomplishments and how far I've come considering the past I was dealt. But here in this moment I know God is teaching me a lot. It's not about depending on Anthony to financially support us (though he is) or for this whole mom thing to give me identity or for Max's perfect behavior to be what fulfills me, or how waking up to make Anthony and Max breakfast, lunch, and dinner makes me a better wife and mother. Instead, it's about depending on Him; knowing that He is the one that is enough and through Him I am enough. He is all I need and in Him is where I find my identity and my purpose. Because nothing is ever enough. When I was working and Max was in daycare I wish I could be home with him. When I was working and Anthony was home I hated missing out on the things Max was doing or the daily routine they had created. Yet here I am with the things I wished for and it isn't enough. All I am left with are these desires that never seem to be enough. So I am putting an end to this cycle (or at least trying to). I know being home with Max right now, in this moment, is where I need to be. Max needs present parents. He needs me to guide him, to teach him, to love him, to cuddle him, to discipline him and much more. I think God has put me in this uncomfortable place so I can stop taking things for granted. So I can soak each moment for what it is, trust Him through it, and realize that at the end of the day only through Him I am enough.
Anthony's transition:
Let me start by saying how proud I am of Anthony. Anthony loves being a provider for our family. I am so thankful for how God wired him. He loves to take care of his family and I am blessed to walk this life with him. Anthony arrived here in Germany a little over a month earlier than Max and I did. I hated being away from him, but I am glad we went about it the way we did. He bought a car for the family and set up our housing which is a great home, fully furnished and close to his job. I literally arrived and everything was done. It was great! He also loves the people he works with and his job. His biggest struggle is the language barrier and how different the culture is than the "South." Over all Anthony seems to be doing well. I asked him about his transition and he said, "I miss America, I miss Chick-fil-a and people who speak English, but I can't believe one day I will be able to say…"when I lived in Germany"…now that's pretty cool."
Next time:
As soon as I get a chance I will blog about my appointment with my German doctor and the hospital tour we had, but for now I leave you with this: Phillipians 4: 11-13 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
ere because I was a lost sheep. I was there because I loved God. I was there because I needed to learn to be humble. I was there because I need to so many things that I didn't know I needed. The past I have had with relationships and family had messed me up in the head and I didn't REALLY know how to love, until after I went to Africa. It wasn't until Africa that I really learned to love myself, Anthony and God.
I mean look at him doesn't he look so handsome?! Thinking back, I was never intended to go to Africa to change people life....it was me who changed. And I am so grateful for that....so if you ever get the opportunity to go.....GO because it will change your life forever!!