Change

Waking up during the night has never been a concern; typically I'm the type of person who waits as long as possible to get up to use the bathroom. I am pretty sure when my head hits the pillow I die until my alarm goes off which of course is set thirty minutes before I have to wake up so I can lay in bed as long as possible. Now-a-days I wake up various times during the night and I'm usually up before my alarm, which I never turned off, rings. I even have a routine I follow every night and every morning. To make my life easier I leave the bottles, formula and water bottle (because we can’t use tap water) by my bed side. As soon as I hear Max start to wiggle or make a noise, I look at my clock to make sure it's around his feeding time and I start making the bottles. I do this in the dark (that's the laziness still wanting to stay alive) sometimes missing the small bottle opening, which really isn’t small at all, but in the darkness it feels like I am pouring powder through the eye of a needle. I usually get water or formula all over myself. One day, I had gone about my own business eating breakfast, talking with people because you all know I do that well, went upstairs and when I looked in the mirror I had dried up formula powder on my cheek and my eyebrow. I was so embarrassed. Things have definitely changed in the last few weeks. I genuinely don’t know how single mothers do it, more power to them, because I definitely can’t do this mother thing alone. During the first week Anthony was here he would make the bottles for Max while I soothed him and calmed him down. It has been difficult to do it all alone.

The biggest change these last few weeks has been not waking up next to Anthony. I miss seeing his face every morning when I wake up. But the hardest part is being alone in a new place, as a new mom without my  best friend. Our third wedding anniversary has come and gone. It was by far the most difficult day of this trip. Just when I thought I loved Anthony as much as I could imagine, Max came into our lives. What a wonderful three year anniversary this gift has been for us. Anthony is an incredible man. I'm not an easy person to love by any means and it is effortless for Anthony. I even struggle loving myself at times. So to Anthony, thank you for loving me unconditionally and for believing in me. You have loved me even when I didn't love myself and for that I am so thankful. You are my everything. The love I feel for you is one that moves mountains and I know Max will always have love from the best daddy in the world. I love you!! 

Loving your husband better....

Don't take my post title wrong, I love my husband well, or at least I think I do (maybe I should ask him--on second thought maybe I shouldn't, ha!) As the year came to an end I started thinking of ways to better love Anthony this new year; ways to show him my true appreciation. If there is one thing I have discovered in my short few years of marriage is the way I want to be loved is so completely different than the way he wants to be loved. I have taken the time to research 52 ways to better love my husband, 1 for each week of the year, some I will be doing continuously (placed an * by it). I have looked at Christian websites and just fun date websites; these stood out the most to me based on what Anthony likes. I will be crossing these off as I go doing it them. I need to stay accountable to this....

1. Take him out on a date—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time (totally surprised him with this one tonight.)
2.Give coupons for him to redeem-- back & head scratches, back & shoulder massages or rubs.
3. Buy him a gift card to his favorite place to eat and out it in his wallet for him to find.
4. Pray for him. So obvious, but I don't do it often enough.*
5. Respect his opinion even if it is the worst thing I have ever heard in the life...it happens.* (respected his opinion of what car to buy)
6. Do NOT give him the silent treatment; it really isn't fun for me either.*
7. Surprise him with a sweet kisses when he comes home from work.
8. Place love notes in his pocket for him to find.
9. Start the coffee pot for him before I go to work.
10. Leave his lunch packed up for him in his lunch box.
11. Praise his good decisions.*
12. Discover his physical and emotional needs. Make him feel loved and wanted always.*
13. Watch a football game with him without complaining or talking about other things.
14. Go watch a movie of his choice.
15. Go for a long walk with him and use the time to encourage him for being so hard working.*
16. Listen to him with out interrupting (this one is hard for me.)*
17. Do a candle night dinner in our backyard.
18. Compliment him in front of others.* (will still continue to do this one)
19. Surprise him with a spur of the moment fishing trip.
20. Don't nag.*
21. Spend the day doing something that he wants to do.
22. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
23. Cook for him without expecting any help during cooking or after with the cleaning.
24. Pray together for our future children. Especially the one on the way.*
25. Spend more time teaching him Spanish.
26. Surprise him by wearing his favorite clothes on me.
27. Compliment him.*
28. Start a bonfire in our pit, buy a bottle of wine and enjoy the evening outside.
29. Surprise I'm with a fitness magazine or sport magazine he really likes.
30. Take care of myself more (Anthony will call me out when I am not taking care of myself.)
31. Pray for our marriage.*
32.Practice being humble and admit when I am wrong.*
33. Initiate intimacy periodically. And respond more often. He needs to know I want him just as much as he wants me.*
34. Scrabble date night.
35. Take him on a date to watch UGA.
36. Encourage him to have more guy nights.
37. Clean, fold and put his laundry away.* (yeah, in this house Anthony does the laundry...crazy, I know.)
38. Go mini golfing.
39. Cheer for his team (UGA.)
40. Buy him a huge package of gummy bears (what can I say he is easy to please.)
41. Be supportive of his goals.
42. Sit and listen to him play his guitar and encourage him to do it more often.
43. Plan a weekend get away for just the two of us.
44. Be flirtatious with him (I think this one is important because so often we forget to flirt with our husbands.)
45. Be patient with him when we travel.
46. Try to honor his desires to spend time with his family.
47. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends me.*
48. Send him loving emails.
49. When he comes home from work allow him to relax.
50. Surprise him with sweet text messages. 
51. Take Chi out for more walks.
52. Ask him how his day was every day and genuinely listen to him.* (will continue this one)

The husband I have

Two years ago, Anthony and I shared our "I do's." It was a Saturday afternoon, a hot afternoon, getting married in June was probably not the best idea in the world, but we did it. We both promised our love and loyalty to each other and promised to honor God through it all. We vowed to love each other in sickness and in health, richness and poorness, and to always have each others backs. We made these vows in front of our closest and dearest friends; it is a day that I will never forget.

When Anthony and I met in early 2007, we were both broken and lost emotionally, but mostly spiritually. We were both trying so hard to be people that we were not and we were both extremely broken. We each had so many wounds that were not healed when we started dating, but slowly we have healed each other. It hasn't been an easy ride. The first year and a half of our relationship was a battle field and neither one of us would surrender. Anthony had anger issues and I was just plain bitter. In my bitterness I would push Anthony to extreme anger and in his anger he would bring out the bitterness in me. Somehow we managed to make it. Anthony overcame his anger, a complete 180 degree and well, I can still be a little bitter at times, but I have also changed a great deal.

In May 2009 we got engaged and then married in 2010. When I married Anthony, he was a completely different man than when I met him and today Anthony is completely different man than the man he was when I married him. Allowing him into my life and allowing him to love me was the best decision I ever made.

Anthony has changed like the sky changes from night to day....with the same beauty and grace too. He is a man filled with love, compassion, endless amount of grace and mercy, charisma, drive, strength, and joy. He loves doing things for others, always puts other peoples needs before his own, especially mine. He is selfless as ever and he has become this man of God that I completely adore. Yesterday was rough day for him, but the way he reacted to it was incredible. He was not angry and he wasn't even filled with doubt, instead he prayed and laid it all in front of God. I then realized how much he has grown and how much of a man he has become. I am so proud to be his wife.

My life without Anthony would be dark because he has helped me walk closer to the light. He helps me to see the beauty in everything. His ability to lean on God in good and bad times inspire me to be a better woman. His grace as a husband is appreciated because I am by no means perfect. He encourages me with Godly words and prays for me and for our future family. He is my doctor when I am not feeling well, my counselor when I am stressed, my back rubber when I have cramps, my tear wiper when I cry, my stand up comedy guy when I need a laugh, my act silly because I can act 5, my rock when I am weak, my lyric police when I don't know the words, my grammar teacher when I can't speak (haha), he is my number one cheerleader when I need support, he is my everything I could dream of and more.

Anthony, I love you. These two years of marriage have been the best in my life. You are a wonderful husband and I know you will be a wonderful dad. Happy Anniversary.

Hoarding?! :)

I am sure you have all seen, or have heard, about the show Hoarders? For those of you who have not seen or heard about it, the name speaks for itself. It is a show about people who hoard things (gee, wonder what gave that away) and they have a hard time parting with things. Most of them have deep psychological issues which is the leading cause of their hoarding. Although, I know I am not, by any means a hoarder like the people on the show, I do have the tendency to hang on to little gadgets and other random junk. 

Last night, in a desperate attempt to stay up until 1230 a.m so we could get tons of free boxes at Walmart (I know, sounds a little hoarderish) we decided to clean out our personal drawers. Let me tell you, it is really interesting the things we hoard. For example, I found that I have an intensive coin collection (crazy when you didn't even know you collected coins), I collect key chains apparently, I have more buttons then I have clothes with buttons and I have an intensive collection of bobby pins which I can never seem to find when I actually want to pin my hair. I also seem to collect cards, not the card you play with, but card people give to say thank you or happy birthday or whatever. I literally had over 100 cards. I had cards from my communion (16 years ago), my graduation (10 years ago), my 21st birthday (1 years ago...okay I wish), going away from Miami to the AF, going away from AF to Miami, our wedding day and shower, my birthday's, my graduation....I mean you name it and I have a card for it. It was great to have some of them, but some of them I really didn't understand my reason for keeping them. The funny thing is although I didn't understand my purpose of keeping some of them, I was still having a hard time getting rid of them, but finally I did. I only held on to the extremely especial ones. Anthony found a birthday card that his grandmother, who passed away Jan 2011, had sent him for his 25th birthday-- the last card she ever gave him. It was touching.

Once we finished going through our personal drawer, we went through our time capsule (so much for packing huh?). Yeah, Anthony and I have a time capsule and honestly, it's pretty awesome because every time we go through it we kind of like fall in love with each other all over again. I really believe all couples should have a time capsule because it is cheap therapy. By the end of the whole process you want to open a bottle of wine, bat your eyes at each other and well you know.... :). 

Well in the midst of "cleaning" out of time capsule, Anthony found our vows to one another. It was so sweet to hear those vows; to believe that at the end of this month we will be celebrating 2 years of marriage, is insane, time sure flies. After hearing Anthony read his vows, I was so enamored, I said, "babe, read my vows." As soon as I said it, I immediately thought "oh crap." You see, in my vows, I vowed to scratch Anthony's back so many times a week. What I was thinking when I wrote that, I don't know, but obviously I was not thinking considering I don't care to scratch backs. Every time Anthony wants his back scratched, he says "Kay, I'm pretty sure it was in your vows that you would scratch my back." So the fact that I willingly asked him to read my vows was just plain dumb :). He started reading it and got to that part were I vowed to scratch his back and turns out I vowed to scratch his back, not once, not twice, but three times a WEEK. I must have been delusional. I guess I have some making up to do...or maybe I can just use whiteout. No, I know I have to stick to what I promised, or at least consider it when he asks. 

Moving and packing sucks...there is no other word to explain it. The best part about moving this time is that it'll be our last for a really long time. That in itself makes it all worth it. 

Our Bucket List

1. Go on a hot air balloon.
2. Travel with each other as much as we can where ever we can go.
3. Become parents.
4. Adopt two kids.
5. Help Saidi graduate from high school and get into college.
6. Go on a fishing trip.
7. Find my father.
8. Fly to NY for the day have dinner and watch a Broadway show....just because.
9. Go to Italy (hopefully can cross this one out soon).
10. Help someone in need.
11. Watch the sunset on the grand canyon.
12. Witness something incredible.
13. Be successful at what we do.
14. Go on a safari in Africa.
15. Visit New Zealand and Australia.
16. Ride an Elephant in India.
17. Get our masters.
18. See the Great Wall of China and visit the Emperor Qin Terra-cotta Army underground tomb.
19. Go to Angel Falls.
20. Visit Stonehenge (hopefully soon)
21. Go to Italy during Christmas time.
22. Witness true beauty.
23. Go on a cruise to Alaska.
24. Buy a house.
25. Buy a Jeep.
26. Go on a road trip to the West Coast.
27. World Cup in Brazil, 2014.
28. Never put money before God or family.
29. Share our treasures.
30. Visit Madagascar, Fiji, and Bora Bora.
31. Own a boat.
32. Never caught up on status.
33. Always be a leaning shoulder for a friend.
34. Never think of ourselves as "too good" to help a person in need.
35. Be generous, loving and kind.
36. Go swimming with Dolphins.
37. Travel through Asia.
38. Sky dive.
39. Go to as many Hard Rocks as we can.
40. Never give up!

Better Days

It's been a while since I blogged....I have been busy with life. Anyway, yesterday was an awful day. We went on a family vacation with Anthony's family and yesterday was the day we said good bye to everyone. Then Anthony and I got on the road, and every thing was great, until we got into a three hours argument. Yes, 3 WHOLE hours. It was awful! The reason we got into the fight was very dumb and after 3 hours fighting and 1 hour giving each other the silent treatment we both realized how ridiculous we were being. So we decided to turn our day around; we ordered pizza and watched a movie together. It was a great ending to our night and I was so glad we got over our fight and both were willing to forgive each other. I really think we both wanted to stop fighting 10 minutes into the argument, but our pride got in our way. We both discussed how to prevent this argument from happening because it sucked. I mean Anthony is my bestest friend and being mad at him or him being mad at me is simply the worst thing ever.

But any way, today, unlike yesterday, was a completely different day. Today was simply AMAZING. We had such a great day. We woke up went to church, did groceries, hung out with Chi, made smoothies, went to Barnes & noble read books together and bought a book on Europe, bought a pair of glasses, and had habatchi. Talk about a wonderful day! I mean aside the fact that we have spent all the money we set aside monthly for entertainment and it's only the 10th day of the week ;). I think it'll be worth staying in the rest of the month for a day like today!

Oh how interesting life can be!

When I woke up this morning, I was in the mood to clean!! Anthony absolutely hates days like today...can't really blame him. When I get in the mood to clean, I simply want to clean EVERYTHING! I like to move furniture from one corner of the living room to the other and vacuum behind every little crack where dust could possibly be. I mean, if it isn't for me cleaning, this house would be filled with spider webs and I can't have that.

Today I started in the bedroom, I changed the sheets and put new sheets that we got from Anthony's grandmother. I love the smell of new, clean sheets, especially when they are nice sheets that feel like silk. I dusted everything you could imagine and I could already tell Anthony was getting annoyed with me. He seems to have selective hearing in situations like these. For instance, when I ask him to dust his night stand or if he could put the laundry in the wash he looks at Chicago, as if I were talking to Chi and not him. I'm sure he wishes Chicago would do chores around the house and I'm almost sure he is envious of Chicago's life; you know, not doing anything, but the basics. Typically conversations about us having kids is a big taboo, but every time we are cleaning it seems his fatherly instincts kick in. He is always saying, "I can't wait until we have kids so they can do all the chores and I don't have too." Our poor children :).

Thinking about Anthony's annoyed face, right now, make me laugh, because I know how much he doesn't want to help me clean, but honestly, at that very moment when he is ignoring me or trying to avoid me I get so irritated with him. I can't really be upset with him because he helps me all the time. He just hates when I get in the Mrs. OCD mood, which I believe I get from my mother. And as this sudden thought creeps in to my mind, I remember how much I hated cleaning when I was younger because of my mother. Oh my, have I become a mini version of my mom? I remember swearing I would never be like her and here I am, exactly like her. Oh how interesting life can be. Well, I guess I am not as bad as she was considering Anthony left to school before I even finished cleaning the bedroom. He had to leave early to work on school stuff, I wonder if he made that up just to get out of cleaning! Ha, sounds like something I would have tried when I was younger.

Regardless, I love Ant! I can't complain about that man because he helps me so much around the house. I think he rather do it in little sections instead of the whole house like I do. Better than him never doing anything at all. And in all honestly, I don't mind being a little like my mother...after all, I turned out all right!