These wonderful people

Since moving to Orlando back in July of 2009, Anthony and I have struggled making friends. It isn't because we can't, but because we live in a college community where people are constantly moving away. Many of the friends we have made in the past few years have eventually moved back home after finishing school.

Before moving to  Orlando, we were used to close knit friendships. Anthony and I had many friends in the military so we always had something going on on the weekends. Our friendships in Miami were really strong and even if one of us was busy we always had something to do or someone to spend time with. I was used to spending endless amounts of time with friends laughing or having get togethers or pool parties or going to the beach. We have been spoiled by great friends, seriously. We have been blessed with amazing people in our lives who were always there supporting us.

You can imagine how difficult it was moving to a new city and leaving all of our friends behind. It was a difficult transition for me, that's for sure. Making friends isn't hard for me, but making friends that we can open up to is extremely difficult. We lived in Orlando for 5 months before I hung out with someone outside of college, Lauren and Amy, and it wasn't until February of 2010 that I reunited with an old friend Lyndsay who lived in the area. My first trip to Africa in March 2010 allowed me to make my first batch of Summit friends who I became extremely close with due to our experience, but since that time they have moved back home or moved away. Through that Africa trip, I also became very close to Kimberly Drake, but the fact that she is a mom and I am not made it difficult for me to "hang out" with her, thankfully, I am able to confide in her. Nick and Lyndsay and Lauren and Purkey have been our closest friends since we moved to Orlando. They have been a great support system and incredible friends, but life gets crazy and only having 2 couples as friends was still hard because they each have their lives to attend.

In December of last year, I went through a really rough time in my life. I had a miscarriage, although it was unplanned, it was extremely hard for me to deal. I remember when it happened, Lyndsay was there to console me, but I just didn't want to talk about and when I was ready to talk about it, I felt awkward bringing it up again and I didn't want to have anyone pity me. It was a rough patch in my life. I was depressed for about 2 months and dealing with the stress of a new job and new people, did not help me one bit. I honestly felt so alone (although I really wasn't because when I did open up to one of my dearest friends from back home, she was as available as she could be through the phone.)

Sometime towards the end of January, Anthony and I felt it would be a good idea to join a bible study group of young people. People our age, who are in a similar stage in life, who were willing to open up and be there for each other. We prayed over it for  a couple weeks and on a Thursday night, a night that we typically don't go to church, we went to group night. That night we bumped into a friend, Erin Irvin, that I had gone to Africa with over the summer and her husband. We began telling them that we were looking for a group and turns out so were they. We decided to go to group night together to find some young couples that maybe we could both join. As we looked around, we noticed no one our age. We were a little bummed and about to leave, when I randomly saw Brian Banks and I decided to say hi because I had heard that his wife was in the Air Force. I don't know exactly what happened after, but somehow we were all connected. It was crazy! Brian asked if we wanted to join a group that his wife and him were thinking of starting made up of all young married couples and Richard.

Since that day, we have been meeting with our "new" group. It has been almost 4 months since we started the book of John and getting to know each other. It has been incredible, a true blessing! Seriously, it has. They are the most  amazing group of people, who love helping others and who love Jesus. We encourage each other biblically and personally. We have opened up in ways that you would no believe (we have even had a SLEEP OVER already!) On the nights that we all get together to study the Word, we all bring something great to the table. I learn from every single one of them and I get a different view from each of them. It is really amazing.

One thing that I enjoy about this group is the one night a month where the girls and boys split up. Anthony loves it and so do I. Anthony feels such a great bond to this men and I to the women. It is great knowing that we can open up and discuss marriage issues, finances, fears, praises, joy anything with these people who we met 4 months ago is incredible. I feel so blessed to have them in my life and I am so thankful for them. I am thankful for how they encourage Anthony and I, in many different ways and how much they love to hear the beautiful things that Jesus is doing in our lives and in the lives of those around us.

I am so thankful for the many friendships that this group has brought us. And even though our friends in the military, Miami, Georgia and college hold a special place in our hearts and continue to be amazing friends, it is great to have friends close by to go watch a movie with or simply meet up for lunch.

Adoption updates

Here are some updates:

Tomorrow we meet with our social worker. We are really excited about meeting her and getting everything started. We have been filling a lot of paper work and we have so much more to complete. Some questions ask about our childhood and how we were raised, which are a little difficult to answer. Other questions ask how we plan on disciplining our children and what goals do we have for them for their education and how do we plan on disciplining them. Those questions are hard to answer because it depends on the kids and their abilities or what punishments work for them and which don't. Adoption is definitely a hard process with every thing you have to do, but I am sure that the pay off will be incredible. I will update you guys on how the meeting goes tomorrow, hopefully, if not then soon.

Last week we got a huge package from the adoption agency filled with adoption books and other information. It made it feel so real and I enjoyed looking through all of the books. There was one book, which I loved, about doing their hair...if we get a girl and it was so informative and at the same funny because I had not thought of the fact that I can't do their hair the way I do my own. It will definitely be interesting if we end up with a girl. 

Anyway, there has been a lot going on lately. Anthony and I have not found a place to live and we need to move out by the 10th of June. It has been a little bit stressful, but we are trusting that God has the perfect place picked out for us. Although it has been a little stressful, this whole adoption and finding a house to live in has really brought us closer to God and has brought Anthony and I closer than ever. We have been devoting time for prayer together at night and just really communicating so well. I am thankful for the fact that our marriage has not been stressed by all the stressed. We are so blessed.

As many of you may know, Anthony got a job at D1 sports. He is so elated, as am I. We feel so blessed that he was able to get a job with this amazing company with Christian values (here is a link for y'all to check out what Timmy thinks about it haha http://www.stack.com/video/1210546873001/Tim-Tebow-on-the-D1-Advantage/). He started working yesterday, training mainly, and his boss took him to lunch and he prayed for their food and for Anthony joining the team. I thought that was so incredible. This is seriously a dream job for Anthony. The fact that right when Anthony is graduating they open a D1 facility here in Orlando was a gift from God. It is incredible what the power of prayer has. And although we keep saying that this is Anthony's dream job, I don't say it because of the money. I say it because I know that at the end of every day he will be happy doing what he does and he is so passionate about it. I am so grateful to God for giving Anthony this job. And I am so proud of my husband for working so hard. 

I have so much to be thankful for and I don't say all of this to brag, but instead to just show people that if you believe in God and you decided to live your life through Him that all things are possible. Anthony and I are an example of people who were SO lost and it wasn't too long ago that we were living a life FILLED with sin. Our past is filled with darkness and things that we are not proud of doing. We still are not perfect....we never will be. 

Thank you to every one who follows my blog and who encourage us through this process. God knew what he was talking about when he said that we can't do life alone; we need community. We have such amazing friends and family. We are so thankful for all the people who are offering to keep us for days if we don't find a home. People who are constantly praying for us and our children. People who are constantly pouring into our lives and our marriage and people who support us even through crazy decision. I love you all!

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Mother's day

Mother's day is a rough day for me. As many people enjoy a day with their mother's and post their pictures on Facebook, I sit in the pain that I will never have that with my mom. A lot of people, especially my family, will argue that and say that I still can, but the truth is I can't. As many of you may know....my mom has Alzheimer's and it is very severe. She does not recognize me or my 2 sisters or anyone for that matter. It is a difficult thing. This disease that is slowly killing my mother has slowly killed my relationship with my family as well. I typically don't talk about all these issues, but I figured I might as well.
Growing up, my relationship with my mom was really difficult, let's just say her parenting was not the normal kind. She never gave me hugs and she NEVER said "I love you" to me. My mom was extremely hard on me and at some points extremely abusive. It was really different from the life I had in El Salvador where I was the center of attention and extremely loved.
As I grew older, my mom got tougher and more abusive. When I turned 16, I went through a very depressing point in my life and I could not bare the abuse any longer, so I tried to commit suicide and I ended up being hospitalized. After the hospitalization, my mom and I started going through counseling together. Things did not get better, they only got worse so I ended up moving in with my aunt, but that didn't work out very well because it caused a rift between her and my mom. I moved with my grandma, but that didn't work out because she was too far away and had no car, then I moved in with a boyfriend and that didn't work out. After bouncing from house to house for a year and a half and not fitting in anywhere, I decided the best thing for me was to join the Air Force.
In July 2004, I left for the AF. In the Air Force, I slowly drifted into my own life. When ever I visited Miami it was to visit my boyfriend at the time and very little time was spent with my family. It wasn't that I didn't love them, instead, I didn't feel loved. I really wanted things to be better between my mom and I, but I never really tried to mend things. As my first year in the Air Force went on, my sister would call me to fill me in on things going on at home. I remember one day she called me to tell me that my mom had gotten lost driving from our house to my sister's school. I thought it was strange and it worried me. I decided to come home and this is when I realized something was wrong with my mom. The crazy thing was when she would see me she would want to hold my hand or kiss my cheek or hug me. It was strange to me, but it was actually really nice. As time went on, my mom got even sicker. I hardly got to see her, but when I did see her she would want to be around me and she would talk to me.
I moved back to Miami in June of 2008 and it was rough seeing how much my mom had deteriorated. At first, it was REALLY difficult to have her love on me because she had never done it, but after a while I really started to enjoyed it. All my life all I wanted was to FEEL loved by her, it sucks that the only time she really ever showed me love was when she could barely recognize me, but I guess it's better than never.
It's hard because my recent memories with my mom are good memories, memories of us laughing or her kissing me and wanting to hug me. I know that if she wasn't sick we would have a great relationship, that we would be best of friends, that we could have spent a day like today rejoicing on how I will soon be a mother too. It breaks my heart that it will never happen, it breaks my heart that she will never be able to play with my kids, it breaks my heart that they will never have her as a grandma, it breaks my heart that I don't have a mother who I can call when I am feeling down or need a friend to talk to, it breaks my heart that my family thinks I don't care about her because they think I haven't let go of the past, it breaks my heart that my sister didn't have a functioning mother for as long as I did and it breaks my heart that she has missed out on seeing me grow into the woman that she molded. That even though she wasn't the best mother, I turned out okay and everything I do, I do to honor her. So that people will see that even though she was one hell of a rough woman to be around that she raised one hell of a daughter. It's a weird feeling because she is still alive in body, but not in the person she was. It's hard to see her lay in bed and not be able to move. It sucks. REALLY it does.
One thing I am thankful for is that before she got really sick, she accepted Jesus into her life. I am glad, that the day she dies, she will go to heaven and that we will eventually be able to have the good relationship that I know we would have today.

p.s Stay posted for a blog on the Adoption tomorrow...if you guys want to get email notifications of my blogs subscribe to my blog.