Satan will blind you if you let him

I would be lying if I said I have not been stressed lately. Between my grandmother and mother in the hospital-- yes, my mom randomly got pneumonia, work, students, paper work, adoption, my weight, my face breaking out, you name it. It's been hard lately. I can't tell you the last time I actually cooked a decent meal for my husband. And while Anthony was in California he got bronchitis and he does not have health insurance so we are now having to pay for that out of pocket; let me tell you, it is not cheap, at all.

If you would have talked to me 2 weeks ago, I would have told you how angry I was. I would have complained and become even more upset at the current situation. But a week ago, I was challenged by a friend. She challenged me to focus on the positive/good things in my life and write them down. And I did. While doing so I realized how blessed I am in comparison to how crappy things really seem. I also realized when I focus on the 'bad', it is Satan trying to blind me. I am embarrassed to say how blinded I can become when I focus solely on the 'bad.'

I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful home, incredible friends, supportive family and community, clothes to clothe me, shoes to protect my feet, a hot shower after a long day at work, electricity, water, food, I have all the things our child does not have. How dare I complain about a stressful day at work when I should be thankful for having one when many don't. Or dare to think eating spaghetti twice or three times a week is awful when our child has probably ate the same things for weeks. I start to realize how selfish I can be when I have so much to be thankful for, when I am so rich. I am glad my friend challenged me. Honestly, I had been focusing on the 'bad', I had forgotten to trust God, to talk to God, to lean on God, to obey God, to feed on the water and bread of life. I am filled with life when I spend time in the Word or praying, yet I seem to forget every once in a while. I pray I can trust, continue to trust, and trust some more. Pray for me too.

On another note, today we got an invoice from our adoption agency for the next amount we have to pay and kid you not the amount we have to pay is the exact amount we have in our savings. We will literally deplete our entire savings after this transaction. I did freak out for a minute, but God has never let us down. He has never left us astray, he always provides and he is a God who makes all things possible. Please continue praying for us, for our finances, for our son, for us to be humble, for our concert, and for our marriage to continue to grow in God.

Life is too short..

Yesterday I found out my grandmother is on her death bed. My one and only grandmother. She had a sudden stroke, she was rushed to the hospital, half of her brain filled with blood and the doctors couldn't really do much. She is now on life support. She is not talking, she is not moving, she is simply not there. It's heart breaking.

Being that my mom has Alzheimer's, I have spent the past 3 years (the point of her deterioration) preparing myself for her's departure. I hadn't spent a moment thinking of the fact that my grandmother might too face something like this. I have accepted the fact that my children will not have a grandmother in their life, but I had never prepared for them not having my grandmother around. She was the closest thing to a mother beside my family in El Salvador. I was very excited about our child being able to meet her...it's so close, but it's God's timing not mine.

I feel sad thinking of my grandmother gone. Thinking of how I have been so busy worrying about my own life that I didn't stop to think of her more often. Why didn't I make more time to call her? Why didn't I tell her 'I love you' more? Why didn't I spend more time with her? I haven't had time to really process this; I don't like the suddenness of this feeling. At all. I mean it's taken me years to accept the fact that one day my mom will really be gone. This is difficult and it's hard dealing with it with out Anthony home. Glad he will be back tomorrow. 

One thing I am grateful for is that my grandmother knows the Lord. I know she is saved. I know that  she will go to heaven and that gives me peace. 

Life is too short. Too short not call your loved ones (even when they annoy the heck out of you or you don't really agree with them or the way they live their life), too short to not tell them you love them, too short to be mad, too short to let pride get in the way, simply to short to be selfish. 

California...magnificent.

California is gorgeous. Everywhere we went we saw pure beauty. 

The views were breath taking; leaving you in awe. 

I took 500+ pictures on this trip.

Can you blame me?

Enjoy. :)