Away with the old me and on with the new me.

Just recently, Summit suffered the loss of Isaac, our pastor. He resigned, just like that. It was hard to process and it broke the hearts of many. We are still seeing the damage of what the sin of one has done to so many. But the truth is...I am walking proof of God's love and work at Summit. My life in the past few years has been transformed.

July 25, 2009 we attended our first Summit service. The connection was instant; we fell in love. It was the first time in our relationship we had found a church we genuinely liked and wanted to be a part of. In November of 2009 we sat on a service about going to Africa. Something tugged my heart that day and in March of 2010 I went on my first missions trip ever. I didn't understand Jesus, and what he did for us, but through that trip I saw a glimpse of what it truly meant to be a follower of Christ. I want to live it. Seek it, but instead I fell back to the same things.

I remember there were points where I felt I lived a double life. In front of people at church I tried to "have it together," but I really didn't. On nights out with friends, I drank more than I should have, I used profanity more than I should have, I fought with Anthony more than I should have, I never read the bible outside of Sunday, I never prayed unless I needed something, it was awful.

In the fall of 2010 we were asked to join a bible study with The Drakes's, The Parker's, The Petersen's and The William's. We were the only couple without children, the only couple newly married (everyone else has been married over 10 years), the only couple without real jobs, we were the definite odd couple out, but some how we were wanted. These couples poured so much time and love into our lives. Anthony and I found ourselves changing, not drastically, but more than we had ever before. Little by little our hearts started to changed. Both Anthony and I recognized the changed that needed to take place and we were hungry for it. This group met for 18 months and by the end of this process we had changed drastically. 

In February of this year, we joined our new Summit Connect group (totally by the grace of God.)  I have never been challenged as much as I have in my life. These 9 people inspire Anthony and I. They make us want to be better people and better spouses. For the first time I was being transparent about who I was and who I had been. And for the first time I felt understood and loved, not judged and unwanted. For the first time I didn't feel like a fraud. The chains of my sins have been cut off and I feel free of the guilt that my past had casted in my heart. For the first time I understand what Christ did for me (and you) when he died on the cross. 

I am so thankful for my Summit Church family. If it wasn't for them I would still be living in fear of being neglected and abandoned, feeling unworthy and unloved. This church has taught me about the love of God and that we are all sinners, yet, God sent his one and only son to die on the cross for us. To take my sins away and make me new. And by understanding the immense sacrifice Jesus made for us, I am not led to sin more and try to use a "get out of jail card," instead it has led me to want to be better, to love better, and to live my life for Him.

Three years ago I would have never written a blog like this, 1 year ago I wouldn't have written this kind of blog either. Knowing me a year ago, I would have been too worried about what others, friends and family, would think of me. I would have been worried about not being perfect. But that has changed. What I didn't know then is that people who believe in Jesus aren't perfect (I really thought I had to be perfect to be loved by Jesus.) People who believe in Jesus strive to be better people because they know they are loved. Even if they were neglected at one point in their lives they realize that they indeed never were rejected or neglected because Jesus was always there. And that truth is so filling. I know I will never feel neglected or abandoned because I have a God who loves me unconditionally always and forever.

Last year was a great year of growth for Anthony and I. And this year has been off to a great start. Anthony and I are spending so much more time praying, reading marriage books, reading the bible and simply seeking God more. We have a clear understanding that we aren't perfect and if we seek perfection in each other we will never be happy in our marriage. We are trusting in God in ways that I didn't even know possible. For the first time in my life I truly feel God's presence in my life and in my heart.