Our eyes have been opened (adoption)

I am not very eloquent with my words. I speak from the heart and as I think, so bare with me. In the past couple of weeks I have been trusting in the Lord more than ever, but prior to these past two weeks I have had such a hard time leaning on Him. Proverbs 3:5 tells us to--"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." It's one of the most amazing verses, but still my human nature is to try to figure things out on my own. To NOT lean on the Lord first, but to lean on my own understanding. And every time I lean on myself and not on the Lord, I fail. Consistently. But in the past two weeks, I have been leaning on Him more than ever. 

With that said, I have been thinking about writing about this for quite some time, but I did not know how to do it. Or maybe I was just scared as to what people would think or say. Aside from our church family, we do not know any one that has adopted or gone through this process, therefore, it scared me what other people would say or think. Honestly, it stills scares me. Will people think we are adopting because celebrities are doing it? Because it is the cool thing? Because we want to adopt "black" babies? Or whatever other reason people may come up with that has nothing to do with why we really want to adopt.

I know a lot of people ask why adopt? The truth is we want to adopt because we feel called to adopt, it's that simple. There are over 160 million orphans in this world....who need to be loved. We are adopted by Christ, he saved us and he constantly commands us to care for the fatherless and the widows (James 1:27, Psalms 68:5-6, Isaiah 1:17, Matthew 18:5.) by this I am not saying that every one needs to adopt (although that would be awesome), some peoples' way to care for the fatherless and the widows is by partnering with organizations like COTN, or starting a non-profit, or helping people who want to adopt, or just simply opening the eyes to those who are unaware of how many orphaned children there are in this world.

As to the people wondering "why are you adopting before  having your own?" Both Anthony and I have wanted to adopt before we met each other and as the years have gone by the desire has only amplified. We do want to have our own, but adoption was never a back burner idea. It was always part of our plan.

Since our decision to officially start the adoption process, God has made it evident that this is His will for our family. We have been praying about this for a little over a month, making sure that this is what he REALLY has called us to do and that it's not just our own will. In this month, God has made it more and more clear to us that this is his plan for us. And honestly, sometimes things aren't super clear, but I know that it's all in his glory and therefore we continue on this path to adoption. In the past 6 months our desire to start a family has been very significant, but more significant than having our own was our desire to adopt. My trips to Africa have played a huge role on our decision, seeing all the orphaned children and witnessing their hunger for love moved me. I think before the trips to Africa our desire to adopt was just that, a desire. But since going to Africa and meeting so many people at Summit who have adopted our desire to adopt has become attainable...a possibility...and hopefully in the coming months a reality.  Our eyes have been opened to the truth!

We are really excited for what's to come, but We are also very nervous. We are nervous as to how we are to come up with about 35 THOUSAND dollars (yeah it's pricey to adopt). We are nervous we may not pass the homestudy because we may be too young. We are nervous that we may not find a home to rent in order to pass the homestudy. We are nervous about being parents to 2 children. We are nervous that we might be awful parents. We are nervous that we may freak out or the children may not love us. We, maybe I should say I, am nervous for so much that is out of my control. That this is my weakness, not being about to let God take control over my life. All these things that I am nervous about are things I should not be nervous about because God will do what God does and at the end of the day if this is what he really wants for us then it will all manifest the way he has planned it and therefore there is no use for me to get all worked up about it. But like I said, I am human and I worry. I am trying my best to lean on Him and not on my understanding. So for now, I pray. I pray that our marriage continues to grow strong, that I am able to surrender my will and that we continue to save money for the glory of God and this adoption process! Pray that we can find a home to rent by June and that Anthony may find a job.

You guys have no idea how ready I am to be a mommy to two beautiful African children that God has picked just for me and Anthony.



p.s If for some reason you are compelled to help someone going through adoption right now, here is a family. They need prayers and finances and they are only asking for $7. http://www.acharityproject.com/f/7forour7th