Life is too short..

Yesterday I found out my grandmother is on her death bed. My one and only grandmother. She had a sudden stroke, she was rushed to the hospital, half of her brain filled with blood and the doctors couldn't really do much. She is now on life support. She is not talking, she is not moving, she is simply not there. It's heart breaking.

Being that my mom has Alzheimer's, I have spent the past 3 years (the point of her deterioration) preparing myself for her's departure. I hadn't spent a moment thinking of the fact that my grandmother might too face something like this. I have accepted the fact that my children will not have a grandmother in their life, but I had never prepared for them not having my grandmother around. She was the closest thing to a mother beside my family in El Salvador. I was very excited about our child being able to meet her...it's so close, but it's God's timing not mine.

I feel sad thinking of my grandmother gone. Thinking of how I have been so busy worrying about my own life that I didn't stop to think of her more often. Why didn't I make more time to call her? Why didn't I tell her 'I love you' more? Why didn't I spend more time with her? I haven't had time to really process this; I don't like the suddenness of this feeling. At all. I mean it's taken me years to accept the fact that one day my mom will really be gone. This is difficult and it's hard dealing with it with out Anthony home. Glad he will be back tomorrow. 

One thing I am grateful for is that my grandmother knows the Lord. I know she is saved. I know that  she will go to heaven and that gives me peace. 

Life is too short. Too short not call your loved ones (even when they annoy the heck out of you or you don't really agree with them or the way they live their life), too short to not tell them you love them, too short to be mad, too short to let pride get in the way, simply to short to be selfish.